A weight has been lifted!!

Some background...Eric and I live at my mom's. I moved home when i graduated college in May, Eric moved in in August. He had a job for awhile but it was temporary and he's looking for a job now. My parents are also going thru a divorce after 26 years of marriage, so my father doesnt live here (he hasnt in a while, long story)

So last night when Eric got home from his hometown where he was getting my car fixed, we were on the way out the door to get to the store. My mom says her and my dad want to talk to us when we get back (my dad was over). I instantly was on guard and on the defensive. Eric and I drive around and I'm feeling sooo sick to my stomach and shaky and sooo anxious. Eric was upset too about it cuz we both thought they were gonna say that Eric had to get out, that they didnt want me with him, etc. So we get home. lets get this over with. Eric and I are on the defensive but my parents took a really relaxed approach. I of course burst into tears right away cuz of all my pent up anxiety. Eric was like ya know i dont really know you so its a bit awkward (to my dad). For awhile they were talking like i wasnt even in the room, i was just sitting there holdng back tears and they were all talking about me, how they all care about me and stuff.

But anyways, I cant remember it all but it comes down to: My parents see that I chose my Eric and they trust my judgement. They care about what happens to me and because I'm their daughter, they care about DB. They want us both to succeed. My dad asked Eric where he sees himself in 10 years, Eric said well no one really knows what the future holds, but i see myself married to Elise and living in a house, living comfortably. My dad was like you want a career not a job, and eric goes yea of course thats what I want but i'll just take anything right now. My dad said he'd help Eric ya know, talk with him once a week or whatever to help him find the career path he wants to take. he was like ya know everyone gets breaks and i know youve had none. At the very least you can use some guidence. Eric is not getting any younger (and neither am I) and we both could use some help I guess figuring things out. My dad spent a couple years unemployed so he knows, my dad actually did a lot of work that Eric has done so he knows what it's like to do hard labor work and to be thinking about ok...what am i gonna really do as a career? Eric would like to learn a trade, or go back to school and get the education needed for a career where he can live comfortable. I think it helped my parents cuz i know thats what they wanted to hear (Eric was serious, that IS what he wants). Best thing is both my parents said ya know Eric, no one wants you out of here, we want to see you happy and succeed. We also talked about me and i cleared up some things about what *I* want (like pertaining to going on to get my masters and stuff). It was actually a really good talk. My parents were really open and respectful and we cleared up a lot of misunderstandings. i am SOOOOO happy they actually gave their approval and didnt act like they wanted me and eric to break up b/c thats how we've been feeling. I can tell Eric was being sincere with my parents and that he is SO relieved too. Theres so much more I can say but I'm rambling. it was a long talk so I cant say it all but basically no ones getting kicked out of here, and my parents want to help Eric, and *us* as a couple to help us succeed and do well. And I think they understand too that we're serious, that erics not leaving my life and that we are gonna be getting out of here when we can, together. So all in all it was a good talk and we both think it was really nice of my parents to talk like that.

Long Overdue Update

Hey everyone, I didn't realize it was so long since I last posted! I think I came on like last month and wrote an update and then when I went to post, it timed out and I lost it. But I digress...

Where do I start?

1) Eric is still living here at my mom's, and well I am too. We are starting to look at apartments now though. I looked today actually but got discouraged b/c there didn't seem too many good ones/decently priced ones out there right now. A couple months ago there were tons! Eric had a job for a while but ended up quiting due to some crazy things (like severe OSHA violations). So he's looking for a job again. He's had a few interviews and is working with a staffing agency now to try and find something. We're getting desperate because nothing seems to be coming up.

2) I too am looking for a new job. I HATE mine. I work overtime every day and soon I'm going to have to start working Saturdays too. I DON'T want to be a workaholic, especially at a job that i hate. Everyday I'm knocked down, made to feel stupid, that I can't do anything right, etc. If I separate myself away from the situation, I can see that my self esteem has just plummeted since I've been here.
I mean, I was educated at the 6th best public school in the nation, and the NUMBER ONE best public college in the nation. In theory, I know I am bright and well educated. Yet, honestly, I just feel worthless and too stupid to do any job right. I know deep down its just from hearing that junk daily at work, but it's hard not to let it get to you. I've applied a million places but have only had a few nibbles that never pan out. We are both getting so frustrated with the lack of job opportunities here.

3) I am looking into going and getting my Masters in Elementary Ed. I'll have to take 2 undergrad classes though b/c of some NY state requirements. The thought of having to do that after i JUST finished my BA degree is daunting; I just want to get started on my Masters if I have to go back to school. I need a math class and...a GYM class LOL. Well really, it can be a "health" class.
I don't know how the logistics of everything will work out, I need a new job first, one where I don't have to stay super late every single night. Most Masters classes around here are in the evening/weekends for working adults. And eventually, when I have to student teach, I will definitely only be able to work part time. Although the thought of working full time and going to school full time scares me. I feel like that makes me sound lazy, but I'm just scared I won't be able to handle it all. But money wise...I don't know how I'd afford it otherwise. It's going to be hard to begin with even with me working full time.

And presently, we are fighting the sickies. We have been since before Christmas!!
First I was sick, then Eric, then me, and now Eric again. And then this morning I woke up with a sore throat. Eric is super sick and SO SO grumpy and ornery. I can't do anything right; I tried cleaning up the millions of Kleenex's around him a couple hours ago and he got all mad at me. He's telling me he's starving so I ordered a pizza, went and got it all by myself, went to the grocery store and got some pop, and guess what? He hasn't eaten any of it! GR why do people with Y chromosomes get so ridiculous when they're sick!! lol

here i am!

Eric has moved in with us at my MOM"S house... yes a shock but his roommate he was living with in the city an hour away was lying to him, and their electric got shut off and he had to be out within 4 days... it was just a weird situation and honestly, its for the best that that skeevy weird roommate is out of his life. Well he moved HERE to my city, but he is A) broke and B) needs to find a job. My mom has been incredibly nice and supportive with it all. Eric might have a job coming his way though actually, he has an interview on Tuesday, so fingers crossed. We havent been sharing my room/bed... we set him up out on our back "porch" its not really a porch but a room thats surrounded in windows that runs the length of our house... its a normal room tho with heat and stuff (haha not that you need the heat now!) Our plan is to move out into our own place as soon as possible... saving money is HARD tho and where i live, the real estate prices are a lot higher than where he was living. He had a 2 bedroom apt for $350/month including utilities where he was... a 1 bedroom here is gonna be like $600/month, although we are finding some smaller ones for $450. Anyway, thats the latest with that, and it is pretty worrisome sometimes cuz everything is just so up in the air! Eric has been really helpful around my house though so my mom is loving that!

I've been moved departments at work and tomorrow is my first day in the new area, I'm getting trained for like a week or two. I got moved to Tax Sale, which is when people's houses are about to be sold at auction (i work for a company called First American, they do proptery tax reporting, but CitiMortgage and PHH outsource through them to pay people's property taxes who have loans with them... i work for CitiMortgage.) I'm nervous cuz it's a lot more stressful of a position and it's harder work for now more raise in pay. And get this... the other day I found out that cashier's at Aldi's (grocery) make more money than I do!!! Thats RIDICULOUS, i knew i was underpaid but i didn't think it was that bad. I actually have an application for there, cuz well, I need a part-time job anyways when I go back to school to get my Master's and i could work part-time there without taking a pay cut for normal hourly wage. I'm not going back to school till Fall '08, but hey if I got hired there fulltime now, i'd go. I know it doesn't seem glamorous but eff it, i'd be making more money than at my "fortune 500" job, I wouldn't be so stressed over a stupid job all the time, and it'd give me the flexibility to work part-time when the time came for it. Its not like either job is the "career" i will have... I'm just biding my time right now, saving up money, and waiting till i can get my Master's to do what i REALLY want to do (teacher).

Well, I need to go shower and spend some time worrying about work tomorrow before I go to bed.

here I am!

HAvent posted in a month... what a bad journaler! So much has been happening, including me turning another year older (turned 22 on 7.17)

Eric has moved in with us at my MOM's house... yes a shock but his roommate he was living with in the city an hour away was lying to him, and their electric got shut off and he had to be out within 4 days... it was just a weird situation and honestly, its for the best that that skeevy weird roommate is out of his life. Well he moved HERE to my city, but he is A) broke and B) needs to find a job. My mom has been incredibly nice and supportive with it all. Eric might have a job coming his way though actually, he has an interview on Tuesday, so fingers crossed. We havent been sharing my room/bed... we set him up out on our back "porch" its not really a porch but a room thats surrounded in windows that runs the length of our house... its a normal room tho with heat and stuff (haha not that you need the heat now!) Our plan is to move out into our own place as soon as possible... saving money is HARD tho and where i live, the real estate prices are a lot higher than where he was living. He had a 2 bedroom apt for $350/month including utilities where he was... a 1 bedroom here is gonna be like $600/month, although we are finding some smaller ones for $450. Anyway, thats the latest with that, and it is pretty worrisome sometimes cuz everything is just so up in the air! Eric has been really helpful around my house though so my mom is loving that! I've been moved departments at work and tomorrow is my first day in the new area, I'm getting trained for like a week or two. I got moved to Tax Sale, which is when people's houses are about to be sold at auction (i work for a company called First American, they do proptery tax reporting, but CitiMortgage and PHH outsource through them to pay people's property taxes who have loans with them... i work for CitiMortgage.) I'm nervous cuz it's a lot more stressful of a position and it's harder work for now more raise in pay. And get this... the other day I found out that cashier's at Aldi's (grocery) make more money than I do!!! Thats RIDICULOUS, i knew i was underpaid but i didn't think it was that bad. I actually have an application for there, cuz well, I need a part-time job anyways when I go back to school to get my Master's and i could work part-time there without taking a pay cut for normal hourly wage. I'm not going back to school till Fall '08, but hey if I got hired there fulltime now, i'd go. I know it doesn't seem glamorous but eff it, i'd be making more money than at my "fortune 500" job, I wouldn't be so stressed over a stupid job all the time, and it'd give me the flexibility to work part-time when the time came for it. Its not like either job is the "career" i will have... I'm just biding my time right now, saving up money, and waiting till i can get my Master's to do what i REALLY want to do (teacher). Well, I need to go shower and spend some time worrying about work tomorrow before I go to bed.

Well, I sure havent updated in a while!!

I've been working 40 hours a week and it is HARD work, definatly don't pay us enough. It's not a mind numbing entry level job, you have to T-H-I-N-K, make decisions, and its affecting thousands of dollars of people's money!! You'd think the company would deem that important and pay you more than what we're paid, but no. I love the people I work with, even if I don't like the job so much.

I've actually decided to go back to school to get my Master's in (probably) Fall '08!! I want to be *drum roll please* an elementary school teacher!!!! It just seems like the right thing, the thing i have been avoiding admiting to for the past 5 years, but i know it's right. Plus, i'd LOVE to have summer's off and still make a full years salary (hehe). And teachers around here get paid pretty well, more than i'm making now. Teaching jobs around here arent the easiest to get though, but if I wanted to move down south, the schools down there eat NY trained and certified teachers up. Only thing is, i dont know if i'd want to move! The Masters program is only a year if i went full time, except I dont know how i'd work full time too. So much of it is outside of the classroom, 100 hours need to be spent in schools during the 1st semester and then 2nd semester its 14 weeks of full-time student teaching! I'd probably have to quit my job and find something parttime... my mother will be thrilled... she thinks i should be able to do it all *rolls eyes*

I cant wait to get out of my mothers house, i need to save a bit more money still. It doesnt help that my car is having troubles and its going to cost $500+ to fix it. (the appt's on tuesday). So that's definatly a set back there. Eric's living 50 miles away now, sharing an apt wit ha buddy of his. We were thinking about moving in together in the fall but now I dont know what he wants to do, he's in a band there now and stuff. He still does NOT have a job, although he finally applied for unemployment and is going to start receiving that soon. It doesnt help that his car blew up, which makes it harder when youre trying to find a job. His father is a mechanic and said hopefully he can get his car fixed for him by his bday (which is august 12th).

Speaking of birthdays.... mine's in 10 days! It's 7/17, I'm going to be 22! Wow, i feel so old, I was just talking to a friend of mine the other day about something i did the summer i turned 17 and i couldnt believe it when i realized that was FIVE years ago! I almost felt like crying, why does time (and life) have to go by SO fast?

I'm a college graduate!

I graduated college on Saturday, May 12th with my BA in poltical science!! I should also be started a job doing real estate tax the day after memorial day.

However, I have always entertained the thought of being a teacher, i actually started college majoring in history education, to become a social studies teacher. I dont even really rememeber why i switched majors except i was 18 years old and too young to know what i wanted to do with my life.Ive really been thinking about it now though... i feel like its just the right decision for me and i know it but i tell myself its not becuase i have a fear of failure. Eric has been encouraging me to do it, and my family always has. You make decent money for not even working a full year... i mean teachers only work 9 months a year and still get paid middle class income. So itd be nice to have summers off, especially when i have kids. I'd get my masters in secondary education, and teach social studies... since i have my BA in political science and so i'd actually get to use my undergrad degree a bit lol. You need to have your masters to teach here in NY anyways so i need my Masters no matter what. I debated between elementary and secondary (7-12) and i'm still not 100% but i think id be happier with secondary because you can reason with the older kids better... and with the younger kids its harder cuz thats when theyre learning their foundations and you have to catch all the learning disorders then and stuff. Id actually love to teach high school seniors, participation in government or AP gov't and politics is the course 12th graders learn here. Id love to teach any of them tho.. global history is 9th and 10th grade, and US history is 11th grade. Of course when you first start out teaching they stick you with the 7th and 8th graders in middle school tho cuz those are the hardest ages to teach!So, we'll see, i have to look at the grad school programs in the area to see what they offer... i dont have to make any decisions for awhile yet...