first entry jumble

So i've had this account for awhile and never blogged on it... I suppose I couldn't imagine cheating on my old Livejournal. But, it's time for something new!

Today i woke up relatively early for me, 8:30, and suddenly felt an urge to job search. I submitted my resume online to a few places... maybe I'll hear back, we can only hope. I feel a little guilty because i didn't attend a job fair i was planning on going too. Once again my anxiety kicked in, plus the fact that only 2 employer's out of the 30 there would have applied to my interest, major, and experience. Hah, guilt really makes me work!

My next semester starts the day after Martin Luther King day. My last semester in college! Wow, i can't believe how quickly time has gone by. Hopefully this semester won't be too hard. Last semester killed me, really, it was just so brutal, I don't know how i made it through!

I actually cooked tonight. I was watching Rachael Ray this morning (this is not a usual thing) and she made "Green Tortilla Chili." I dont know if it's just because i was hungry then, but my god I just wanted some of that chili. So i actually went grocery shopping, got all the ingrediants, and made it! I have NEVER done this before. And by "never" I'm talking about making a dish I saw made on TV. But lol, "never" could apply to cooking in general. Because when do i cook? I still haven't lived down the incident of setting the kitchen on fire whilst making a tuna melt...

Matt leaves tomorrow for Oregon. He'll be gone till August. This is really killing me. 7 months away... He has to do 5 internships for his major (computer engineering) and he got an internship in Hillsboro, Oregon at Intel. I feel like he's been pulling away a bit, but maybe I have as well. I feel like if I make myself feel less attached, then it won't feel as bad. We made love on Tuesday, I know i was ovulating, and I honestly hope I didn't get preg... I can't imagine going through a pregnancy without him here. I actually thought about going to get the morning afterpill the more i thought about it, but I decided to just relax. Plus, it wouldn't have worked now anyway because i'm on antibioticcs for a sinus infection. Sometimes i can really overthink things, ya know? We'll see I guess.... I've actually been thinking about going back on BCP's while he's gone. It'll really even out my period I think, and there's no point NOT being on them now.

Sometimes I feel like we should just have gotten engaged before he left, but idk, I didnt want it to be rushed and "just because" he is going away. Plus, I don't want to have a long drawn out engangement or be planing things here all by myself. He'll be back, and then we can go from there. Maybe this is a good thing...some time apart might be good to think things through and think about what we really want to do with our lives.

My guitar playing has been going well...I'm learning all the basics and it still sounds like a big jumble of a mess but i'm getting better! My fingers have callosed up a bit and the strings don't kill me anymore when i move my fingers on the frets. Someday, someday I'll rock like Hendrix... lol.

Well, I'm off to help my 15 year old sister finish writing up a 5 page Bio paper. Ah the days when 5 page papers seemed like a monstrous amount of scriblings to produce! I'm such a dork though, I'm actually looking forward to helping her. My mind has felt like mush these past few weeks since I've been on Winter Break!