School is a-comin' for me!

School starts Sept. 6th for me. I am getting scared, my friends! I should preface this by letting you know, that I am one of the most anxious/nervous/worry-some people ever. I fixate on my fear/worry and dwell on it until it happens, imagining how uncomfortable it's going to be the whole time. Then when it happens, almost always, it is not as bad as I imagined and I do fine. BUT, that doesn't stop me from starting the cycle all over again when the next unpleasant thing comes up, ohhhh no. So, consequently, the entire month of August will now be spent with me worrying obsessionally over school starting. It doesn't help that the approximately 6 inch thick "course outline" is now being sold at the college bookstore (or so I hear, I myself have not set foot onto that campus since the end of May). One of the professors for this semester emailed us with our 1st week reading for "those that want to start it now" (we're supposed to do it before the 1st day of class, but I didn't think *this* early!). And on the facebook group I belong to for my Dec 2012 class, many of them are doing all the readings and asking crazy questions and freaking me out! Now, when I say "many" it is really only, say, 6 people out of 55 members in the FB group (and about 85 in the class). But it FEELS like everybody when you're Ms. Nervy Nervous! So when I get nervous what do I do? Start avoiding and procrastinating! Yes, I have some great coping mechanisms over here. I really should start my reading though to make it easier on myself BUT I am unwilling to admit that my summer can ever be over, and that school is at the end of it. I'm not looking forward to the stress. I have been relaxed this summer (minus normal life stressors like finances, but those are always there, so they don't count anymore!) I look back on myself last semester and think, how the heck did I do that?!? When you enter a relaxed, slightly lazy state of being, it's hard to look back on your stressful, productive self and see how you "did it." I know I'll "do it" again but at this point I don't see how! Clinical. Mine is from 6:30am-3:30pm on Tuesday and I am scared. Of the time. 6:30, what? I have to get up at 5 am? There have been more days of my life that I have gone to bed at 5am then days where I have gotten UP at 5am. To say I am not a morning person is like saying the universe is not small. I applied to get into one clinical that is a B-shift, from 2-11pm, however it was a lottery and I didn't get picked. It's surgical nursing this semester, pre and post op, and I am nervous of making a 6:30am mistake! I never slept the night before my clinical last semester (okay, maybe 3-4 hours but there were a couple nights I seriously could not sleep) and I always did fine once the adrenaline rush hit me and carried me on through (although that clinical was only 6 hours long). My prior clinical instructor said I "was the best" in the clinical group, which blew me away, as when I went in for my review I was planning on hearing a laundry list of my faults as a student nurse (and believe me there are many). So I'm trying to draw on all the nice things she said (because she wouldn't say them if they weren't true-she's that kind of person, and nurse) but it's hard to believe it yourself when you lack the a) experience and b) confidence. Well I'm sick of writing about my upcoming school and I'm sure any readers who have made it this far have already skimmed over a couple paragraphs. I should probably close in giving a quick blurb about Eric's latest apprenticeship interview. As I may have mentioned, this process has been going on since the end of May. I can't believe he doesn't know yet. Anyway, on Tuesday he had to go in an take a test. He studied up for it, despite having no idea what would actually be on said test. Luckily, he said it was "easy" and is confident he did well. The secretary told him they'd call him sometime next week (ugh, I loathe that phrase, all employers use it, and it's so infuriatingly wishy-washy. Give me him an exact day, god dammit! Don't you know his girlfriend is sitting over here worrying about this!) So, he will probably be calling them next week to follow up, as they don't always get back to him promptly (based on the 3 month long interview process) and usually when he calls to remind them of his existence they say something like "oh yes! Can you come in on XX day at XX time?" Hopefully next week it'll just be "oh yes! We would like to offer you the apprenticeship!" Pessimistic me can't imagine him getting it, but the little echo of optimism is telling the pessimist to shut up and maybe he really has a chance. Hopefully the optimist is right!