Weigh in and rude people.

Weighed in tonight and I lost 3 pounds this week. Woo hoo!

Why are some people so rude? No really, I don't understand. So I serve people ice cream part-time. I usually like it, it's fun, and I like getting out of the house to do it. 90% of customers are friendly and nice and normal. However, some people in the general public just, for a lack of a better term, suck at life. I am about to list my top annoyances at work.

#1 First off. People who let their young kids order (i'm not talking older kids, they're usually okay). Ok, I get it, you think your kid is cute and can't comprehend how everyone else doesn't think your kid is as cute as you do ( I have a 7 yr old brother and think he is the cutest kid out there too, I get it). However, when there is a long line, and I've been running around for 2 hours making people's crazy custom sundae orders, and dealing with their 'tude, and just general stress, I don't have time to listen to your 3 year old's 10-minute drawn out, whispered, baby talk order. They don't know how to order because they can't read. I'm sorry, they can't. They don't know that ice cream comes in different sizes, they don't know that there are cones or dishes. They don't know that saying "i want the rainbow" means nothing to me. Also they speak like this. I can't hear them. At.All.

(#1a While I'm on it, it's not just kids. Grown adults speak in a baby voice too. SPEAK UP. I have the motors and pumps and compressors of 5-6 freezers, refrigerators, and machines 2 feet from my ear. And some have weird rattles, buzzes, and squeaks that also add to the general noise.. I also have fans, doors banging, music playing, and people yelling inside. Do you really think I can hear you when you speak at the decimal of a pin dropping? No. I cannot. Don't get mad at me when I don't hear you change your order from chocolate sprinkles to rainbow sprinkles when I've already walked out of your vision. If you can't see me, I can't hear you. In fact, unless I am 8 inches from your face, I can't even hear you when I CAN see you.

Ok back to the kids. Your child's baby talk. I get it, they're still learning language skills and you think it's a great lesson to have them "order themselves." But you know what, I didn't ask to be your 3 year old's guinea pig. When they say a word that is clearly NOT real English yet, don't just stand there like I'm supposed to interpret this bizarre phase. I had a child order "Mapel" and upon interpretation, it was black raspberry. And no, the parent didn't tell me what the eff the kid said until I asked for clarification, and then they gave me 'tude about it. What.the.eff.  So, please tell me what they said. Better yet, order your kid's ice cream yourself! That would save us the time and frustration of me having no effing idea what your kid is saying. And if I get the order wrong, do not even try to blame me. I just got an order in a foreign toddler language with a deadbeat interpreter; this one is your fault, mom and dad.

#2  The lazy parent. You know what makes you look fatter than eating ice cream? Sitting in your car on your fat ass while you send you child to order you your ice cream. GET OUT OF YOUR CAR. Your kid is awkward at the window. They have no idea what to do. Don't even try to tell me how "awesome" your kid is at the social skill known as ordering. There is a 95% chance they are not, and you are confused about your kid's level of cognitive development. They have no idea how to handle the necessary details of an order. You tell them "I want chocolate custard" but nothing else. What size? Cone or dish? They give me a blank expression. They also have a limited concept of money. I have had more than 1 kid just walk away from the window without paying. Also, sometimes you short change them. What am I supposed to do when the kid is a dollar short and I can't even explain to them the concept of it because I'm not talking to a fully developed human. GET OUT OF YOUR CAR and deal with this! Your kid is not your slave who's sole purpose in life is to serve you. And by the way, I make your ice cream a little smaller 'cuz lord knows your lazy ass doesn't need it. And I'm annoyed.

#3 Blamers. Listen, you want to change your order. That is FINE. I won't be mad. What makes me mad is when I bring you your order, that we ALL HEARD YOU SAY, that I repeated back to you twice and you verified, and then you say "oh I didn't want that." YES YOU DID. You ordered it. Don't LIE, I know you are lying, I know what you said originally. Working with the public has made me realize that pathological liars are more common than you think. I could go on and on with examples. One lady ordered "vanilla with a chocolate hard shell' So that's what I did. I bring it to her and she gives me a look of UTTER DISGUST and horror. Also her face looked like a pig naturally, so it actually was a really great facial expression.
Her: "What is THAT?"
Me: Uh, what you ordered (I thought she was about to puke, her disgust was that great)
Her: I wanted the waffle cone with the chocolate on it, that's what I said. I didn't say THAT, you heard wrong.

Ok really? 'Cuz you did, you said those exact words. And you had no mention of a waffle cone. Also that cone you say you wanted is called a chocolate dipped waffle cone. Hard shell is a total different thing (as stated on the menu). No where in your order did you use that phrase "chocolate dipped waffle cone." Please read the menu AND the display of the cones 4 inches in front of your face that lists the exact name of what you want.

Me: (pulling it away) Ok I'll make you a new one, no problem
Her: Oh no, never mind. I'll just take that. Ew what's THAT!? (pointing to a dot of vanilla breaking through the hard shell. Which you know, is just the laws of physics)
Me: Um, the ice cream
Her: Well someone must have touched it!
Me: No one touched it. It does that. Your total is $X.XX
Her: Oh that total must include the chocolate hard shell that i DIDN'T WANT
ME (to myself): listen bitch. If you didn't want it, don't specially ASK FOR IT when you order. Also I offered to "correct" it, so if you refused my offer, then it's over with. And secondly, if you had gotten the chocolate dipped waffle cone like you wanted, it would have been even MORE money! So how you gonna complain?

I have more examples, (like the girl ordering a sugar cone and when I bring it to her saying "I didn't WANT a sugar cone!"
Me: But you ordered one.
Her: I know but I didn't want one, I wanted a regular one.
Me-to myself: Well then, you are obviously an idiot.)

However, I don't have all day to write them out, and my readers won't want to read it. I'm sure everyone has skimmed over the last couple paragraphs. Caught 'cha!

#4 Please give me 1-2 orders at a time. Do you see a pad in front of my face? I'm not writing this down. I have to mentally remember it all. Do you see waitresses doing that? No. So cut me some slack. I cannot take 5 orders at once. And the people that do this are not just ordering 5 small vanillas, or a similar easy order. They are ordering a "Mexican sundae with pecans instead of Spanish peanuts, and hot fudge instead of chocolate syrup. And peanut butter cups on that too, oh and chocolate sprinkles on the bottom, then a little bit in the middle, then more on top. Oh and can you use Panda Paws Ice cream instead of vanilla?" I have to remember all that in my head. And guess what? I don't know your favorite bizarre creation off hand. I.just.don't. And no one on earth does. So when I get 5 different orders like that all at once. My puny human mind cannot remember it. People seriously get short with me for not remembering it on their first verbal vomit.

When you order a banana split with "one scoop butter pecan, one scoop black raspberry, and one scoop caramel praline turtle, with Spanish peanuts instead of crushed nuts on the butter pecan, and cherry topping instead of strawberry topping on the black raspberry, and yuck! no marshmallow, put some caramel on the caramel praline, oh! and use hot fudge on that scoop too. But do NOT get it on the black raspberry. Oh and put sprinkles on it." Guess what? I'm going to ask you to repeat it. Please do not act amazed that I didn't catch that the first time you vomited the order out to me. We do not all live inside your mind. Please just be nice and repeat it to me!


I have more complaints but I'm wiped out now. Literally, wiped out.